Manifesto
Just who are those meat-eating, devil-worshipping pariahs of rock? Bassist Spike Mintroses explains, “A long time ago, while we were living in South Dakota, I met [Gino] in detention in juvenile hall. I found out that we had a common past. We were both raised by wolves and fed blood sausage when we were little…”
It was then decreed by the gods that Three Pounds of Bakon must be formed as a solution to the brainwashing of society by mindless drone-music. After a notorious 1998 graduation party incident (involving obscene calls to excited 411 operators), Three Pounds of Bakon came into existence and began its reign of terror, destruction, and cultish Fatburger consumption. Gino Chachinno, lead string strangulator of Bakon cites three main influences: “blood, bludgeons, and boobs.” Bakon was joined during the summer of 1999 by the percussion terrorist known only as “the Skin Tormentor”, currently under surveillance for his ability to defy the laws of sound. With the Tormentor Bakon recorded a corrosive three-song manifesto on magnetic tape, to the horror of its fans. Their evil sound combines the repulsive grease of Black Sabbath with the razor-edge songwriting of Soundgarden and the songwriting savvy of Fu Manchu.
Friendly Bio
Three Pounds of Bakon has been playing at bars and clubs around Los Angeles since November 1998. Fueled by positive feedback from a live performance on KXLU-FM in Los Angeles in Fall 1999, Bakon was invited to play several tour dates in Portugal with crossover artist Basement.
Fully disclosed information, including free MP3 sound files, show dates, press clippings, and photos are available on the band’s website, www.bakon.org. Bakon is currently pursuing plans of world domination before the economy collapses in 2101.
Ridiculous Bio
Three Pounds of Bakon f**ks s**t up 24-7. Do not fear the meat. Hard rock never tasted so good! Coming from the bowels of Los Angeles, 500 pounds of hard rock blubber will make ya stomach churn! Three hooligans who spit in the face of their forefathers and tear off the hands that feed them. Raised on a diet of wolves’ milk and blood sausage, these fearless freaks will beat you till your ears explode.
Name: Gino Chachinno a.k.a. Elmer St. Nicehair
Weapon: Sixx Stringzz o’ Terror
Favorite Food: Anything Italian, with lots of grease, especially from C&O Tratoria!
Name: Spike Mintroses
Weapon: Low Frequency Oscillator and Pelvic Angulations
Favorite Food: Loves Chinese, eats canned chili
Name: Bry-Guy
Weapon: Skin Tormentor
Favorite Food: Peanuts and Corn…
Name: Silent Q
Weapon: Air guitar (plays between the notes)
Favorite Food: Cheese and cornflakes
Name: The Lovely Athena
Weapon: Sweet, sweet lovin’
Favorite Food: purple groin pickle
There are also 33 or 34 additional members of Three Pounds of Bakon, most of which cannot be seen and rarely make an appearance. However, their contribution to the music and well-being of this band has been immense.